Mollusk Public Relations Seminar

The Art of Media Management

You'll learn important media management skills, such as:

YELLING! Remember, whatever you have to say sounds more sincere and urgent if you just say it loud enough.

Lying. Remember, most people aren't really listening carefully anyway, and the few that are, won't bother to check your facts.

Distraction. Just change the subject. And keep changing the subject until the exhausted listener or viewer changes the channel:

Q: "Is it true that your company executives squandered the retirement accounts of little old ladies on hookers and blow?"
A: "Why do you hate America's freedoms?"

Q: "I'm trying to find out what happened to their money."
A: "Well, America wants to know what when you are going to stop lying."

Q: "It's a simple question"
A: (Interupting) "Why didn't you ask these questions before 9-11? Is it because you secretly want the terrorist to win?"

Q: "What does 9-11 have to do with"
A: (Interupting) "Your organizations support of terrorists! The secret profits your parent company makes from selling heroin to Iran to create more drugged up nuclear freedom-hating bombers. Your implict support of child molesters. What about puppy mills? Explain your support of inhumane puppy mills!"