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Our clients are valuable as human beings because they have money we hope to get.

This is the key and guiding principle behind every venture Mollusk undertakes. At Mollusk, staying true to our principles isn't just an empty slogan - it's a necessary ingredient for Happy Hour to be happy. We realize where we would be without our client's money - Fishing beer money out of the fountain at the mall, one step ahead of an angry security guard.

We believe that very person has worth - if nothing else, they've got a kidney we could sell at considerable mark-up.

A wise man once said: "The rain falls on the just and the unjust alike." At Mollusk Marketing, we can see that almost everyone has cash or something we can make a buck off of. We won't judge you - we will accept your money with love regardless of whether or not your organization is reputable or not. We aren't here to condemn you - That's what Grand Juries, District Attorneys and Judges are for. We are here to help - help ourselves to your money.

There's a old saying: "You can't cheat an honest man." Well, here's a news flash: Diogenes is dead and gone, his lamp went out a long time ago, and he never found one. Every human has a weakness, a frailty, an area of self-delusion. And, the Mollusk Account Executive is an expert at finding that weakness and exploiting it.

At Mollusk, we understand our mission clearly. There are a few people who may be slightly satisfied. The satisfied person need not spend money. Therefore, it is our mission to afflict the comfortable. If, somewhere in this veil of tears, there's a person with inner peace, it's our duty to make war on it. Happy? Not after you've seen our ads. The Vedic scriptures hold that Great Time is The Destroyer of All Worlds, and we aim to prove that point, 30 tedious seconds after 30 tedious seconds of repeating your brand name.

But, there's more to the Mollusk philosophy than just personal gain. We understand that we have an impact on the larger society. Every advertisment we run contributes to a culture of commericalism run amok that's overheating our planet, fouling our air, and turning the whole planet into a military contest for a shrinking base of scare resources. We couldn't be prouder! It's one thing to realize that human foolishness may finally being nearing it's last days, but know that we took a part, however humble, in the elimination of this scourge from the planet, well, that's just a feeling that you can't describe. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.