Mollusk Marketing Logo - The Sign of Bad Things to Come

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Our clients are valuable as human beings we want their money.

This principle guides every Mollusk venture. At Mollusk, principles aren't an empty slogan - they are cash, the ingredient making Happy Hour happy. Without clients, we'd be fishing beer money out of a mall fountain, a step ahead of an angry security guard.

Every person has worth - if nothing else, they've got a kidney we could sell at considerable mark-up.

The rain falls on the just and the unjust alike: At Mollusk Marketing, we know everyone has something we can make a buck off of. We don't judge - we will accept money regardless of your reputation. We don't condemn. That's what Grand Juries, District Attorneys and Judges are for. We long to help - ourselves to your money.

"You can't cheat an honest man." News flash: Diogenes is dead and gone, unsatisfied. Humans are weak, frail, and/or self-deluded. The Mollusk Account Executive finds and exploits!

Our Mission: There are a few slightly satisfied people. The satisfied person need not spend. Therefore, it is our duty to afflict. Somewhere in this vale of tears, if there's inner peace, we make war on it. Happy? Not after you've seen our ads. Great Time is The Destroyer of All Worlds, and we aim to prove that point, 30 tedious seconds after 30 tedious seconds of repeating your brand name.

We want to have an impact on the larger society. Every advertisment helps commericalism promote a deranged military contest for a shrinking base of scare resources on a polluted battlefield. Knowing we played a part, however small, in turning Providence's verdant gift into barren wasteland, is truly priceless!

Not that we won't charge for it...

So, what's up with this unhealthy obsession with Pieter Brueghel the Elder, and why is his art everywhere on this site? Who knows? When in Bruges...