Contact Mollusk Marketing! Click Here! At MolluskTM we understand that our marketing process is a complex undertaking. To the client, it represents an expense. To the consumer, it's misleading ads, broken promises, and an incessant yelling noise coming from their television. To our bankruptcy attorney, the repetitive process of incorporation and liquidation is a steady income. To the District Attorney, it's overtime. To us, it's beer money. For Mollusk, it's our job to help the make sense of this complex and inane process. Hopefully, cocktails make the questions go away. But we never lose sight of our core principle: Our clients are valuable as human beings because they have money we hope to get. If it takes making up the answers they want to hear to make us satisfied with their money, we are willing to go the extra mile. Remember, all of our clients are automatically entitled to our Mollusk Satisfaction Guarantee Unlike the competition, we never engage in shameless pandering to client's uninformed opinions just to butter them up for money. We feel the shame. Embrace the shame. But, continue in our shameful behavior - indeed, some might suggest we receive an unhealthy excitement from it. We understand, at Mollusk, that the creative process can't be defined or placed in a box. Is copying the competition's advertisements creative? Sure, who's to say it isn't - isn't all art just a pale imitation of the cosmic design? Are dirty dishes scanned on a flatbed scanner art? Maybe not, but they make a pretty good logo when you don't feel like working. Is "Right Click, View Source, Edit, Select All, Copy, Paste***" cutting edge web design? It is when Mollusk charges bleeding edge prices! It's all a philosophy we call LeaderSchlep** Employment opportunities*: At Mollusk, we can't spell stagnution. Without u! Apply today, and join our inert staff as we avoid the challenges the 21st Century offers. For Mollusk employees, it's not just a job, it's not even a job, and it's certainly not a "just a career." We know our employees gain real intrinsic satisfaction from their work, because they certainly don't gain it from pay and benefits. Our Work - Fred Thompson Campaign Our Work - Ron Paul Campaign Our Work - Don Imus - Public Relations Our Lack of Work - Mega Motors - Public Relations Gray Ice Waste Product Mollusk Logos Mollusk Summer Employee Party *Employment at Mollusk does not guarantee timely payment of wages. Or tardy payment. Not all paychecks may clear; bonuses are grossly exaggerated. Employee assumes all risk of nonpayment. Medical benefits are provided by Hobbits and do not really exist. Flexible Spending Account reimbursement is dependent on the Raiders covering the point spread. Employee understands that employment at Mollusk involves considerable financial and legal risks. Employment at Mollusk prohibited by law in Oregon, Arizona, and the European Union. Continued employment at Mollusk may be dependent on membership in a Multi-level Marketing Scheme. **LeaderSchlep is trademarked by Mollusk Marketing - use LeaderSchelp, or the letters L,e,a,d,e,r,s,c,h,l,e, or p and we'll sue you. ***Right Click, View Source, Edit, Select All, Copy, Paste is a proprietary business method of Mollusk Marketing Internet Division. Patent Pending. For reasons that are difficult to understand, some people seem to think that Mollusk Marketing is a fake marketing company, or faux marketing organization, or some sort of satiric send-up of sales and marketing organizations. It's ridiculous that they'd think that we'd the sort of company that was entirely a joke, with long list of text at the bottom that simply designed to improve our placement in search engines if people were looking for a fake marketing organization, but didn't remember our name, Mollusk Marketing. They could be looking for a phony advertising agency - well, that's not us. We are serious. And, we aren't an advertising agency, we are a marketing organization and a really real not at all fake or joke or faux or whatever you want to call it. Serious, Serious, Serious. Not fake. Not phony. Not faux. Not satiric. If you want a fake site, try Anonymous Law Firm or something like that. Mollusk Marketing is as solid as the invertibrate depicted in our logo. The whole idea of our company, a marketing organization and not an ad agency, being somehow just a send up of American sales culture is what's fake. We are certainly more real than most people you'll find working in sales, advertising, or marketing. Ok, now I'm really starting to get angry at the whole idea that Mollusk Marketing is fake. You can tell I'm getting angry because the font is get larger. I've something to say, and I want to say it loud: Mollusk Marketing isn't fake, phony, made up, a send up, faux, not real, imaginary, make believe or anything like that. We are real! REAL! REAL! REAL! Thank God we've calmed down and lowered our font size. Breathe. Any coincidental correspondence between Mollusk Marketing, this website, and any persons living or dead, any marketing people living or dead, any politicians living or dead, or any rodents living or dead is purely, as we stated before, coincidental.In fact, almost all of this site is coincidental. Certainly we aren't responsible for it - America's brewers and distillers should shoulder the entire blame. If you resemble our insinuations, immediately dial 911 and ask for spiritual guidance (Arming and Barricading is optional). Seduce your tax professional. Cry on a street corner until you get legal help. Mollusk Marketing is not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any disease. Become a health practitoner! Copyright, Mollusk Marketing, 410 A.D.